>Am I having an Emotional Affair?!?!

Emotional Affair” isn’t typically what you think of, with sleazy hotels and hiding in the shadows… These days, Facebook or email are often involved, and your emotional affair partner may have been over for dinner, maybe several times. You’ve never even kissed, for goodness sake, how could it be an affair?!?! Usually, people admit to and attempt to justify their behavior by saying something that amounts to, ‘…you’re never available, so I had to look elsewhere for support…‘.

If you’ve ever wondered if your “friendship” has gone too far, or is teetering on the brink of something… er… something else, maybe you should ask yourself if the following applies to you:

* You save topics of conversation for someone other than your spouse.
* You share spousal difficulties with this person. For example, “You’re a woman; help me understand how my wife works.
* Your friend shares relationship difficulties with you.
* You anticipate seeing this person more than your spouse. This is a sign you are already sliding sideways. Keep in mind that you see your spouse at the two worst times of day – first thing in the morning when things tend to be chaotic and in the evening when you are trying to get dinner ready, homework done and you are tired from the day.
* You provide special treats for your friend.
* You fantasize about marriage with this friend.
* Your spouse does not have access to all of the conversations you are having with this person – e-mail, texting, in person, etc.
* You spend money on this friend behind your spouse’s back.
* You lie to your spouse to spend time with this friend; i.e. you go into work an hour before you really need to be there to see your friend.
* You hide interactions with your friend from your spouse. For example, “Don’t smile at me when you see me at church; my husband is watching.”
* You accuse your spouse of jealousy when the friendship is brought up.
* You develop special rituals with your friend that are highly anticipated by both parties. When the rituals don’t happen, there is great disappointment.
* Your friend shares his or her feelings or touches you, which creates an inward response.
* You have conversations with your friend that include sexual content.
* You participate in corporate travel with your friend, also known as corporate dating.
* You participate in business travel in which meals, alcohol and entertainment are involved, and you are staying at the same hotel.***

Does this sound like you? Are you seeing things here that remind you of your partner? Do you feel like you have lost a connection with your partner, like you just can’t talk with them anymore, they don’t understand? You’re just talking in circles around each other until one of you gives up?

Consider trying to repair what you already have. It had to be good at some point, if you committed to it. It’s easy to lose track of each other; therapy can help you find each other again. Looking outside the relationship will just screw things up further; trust me.
*** List was excerpted; the full article can be found at: http://www.aikenstandard.com/PrinterFriendly/0823-Family-and-Marriage


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