>Why VDay is Hilarious…

Okay, it is not that I hate V-Day;

I do take issue with a culturally integrated event in which folks are encouraged to save up all of their appreciation of each other for one day of ‘sorry I’ve been such a d-bag the other 364′.

And apparently there’s not enough alcohol, sugar and flowers to make up for it, because I get a lot of calls on the 15th from couples who would ‘please like to …

> Why your wife looks like a Sabre-Tooth Tiger

Q: “Sometimes I feel SO ready to talk to my wife but one look from her, and I shut down. I really want to tell her, but I just can’t…” –”Don”

A: Don, you’re perfectly describing the desire to be known, at the same moment you’re terrified to be ‘found out’. Which makes you human. So there’s good news.

Fear is rooted in the survival center of our brain, and cavemen who had sex when they should have been hunting …

>RIP Robin

I met Robin Williams at an In-n-Out Burger, many years ago. He truly seemed like a dad out for a bike ride with his kids on a gorgeous Northern California day. Somewhere there’s a picture of my brother standing with him in that parking lot, taken with an actual camera, in the days before life started moving so fast.

Was it moving too fast?
Was it too much to take?
What….happened…?

Many of us can recognize the pain of unanswered …

>Bob Dylan at spin class

I’ve heard Bob Dylan talk about ‘giving away a little piece of himself’ every time he releases music; giving us the sense that despite being globally accepted and even idealized, there are still places inside himself that feel risky to share. There are still (presumably) guarded paths that go directly to his heart; he ‘hurts easy, but he just don’t show it’*. We all have these paths – we call this vulnerability.

With a little thought, you can …

>Not your fault, Will Hunting…

He shifts in his chair, nervously and talks about how his wife refuses to come to therapy; he “invited” her by shouting at her that ‘she’s the one’ who needs therapy, and if she didn’t show up, the marriage was over. He’s taking her absence today as a sign that she doesn’t care and the marriage has ended. While painful, it’s not surprising that they’re communicating with smoke signals from the safety of their separate mountains… The two of them …

>I miss you, and you’re right here…

So you love your wife, but calling her nasty names doesn’t quite convey that emotion, hmm? Your husband is completely the worst human being on the planet, but you can’t imagine life without him, right? What could possibly be going wrong?!?!

The fact is, you can be incredibly effective at work, and enjoy fruitful friendships, but feel completely lost in the presence of your partner. When your partner is right there on the couch next to you, and neither …

>Excitement? Arousal?

I’m trying to think of good therapist-y words that will convey to you what I’m feeling about what I’m doing this week. “Therapist Porn” comes close, but the resulting spam is just not worth it…

I’m in NYC, attending four days of intense training with the founder of Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, and soooooo loving it. Why does traditional couples therapy fall short?! Maybe it’s because at best, it teaches people to communicate more effectively, although the thing …

>”I’m sorry” isn’t enough…

How many times do you have to hear ‘I’m sorry,’ before you stop believing it?! How many times are you going to make the same mistake, or allow your partner to continue hurting you, before you insist that something be done?! Being faithful is not just about staying married, it’s about believing in the best version of your partner, and supporting them in becoming that person, every single day. Sometimes, that means insisting on change, when something is clearly …

>Don’t be a Weiner!

I’m not surprised by the most recent wave of ‘Powerful Men Behaving Badly’, given the daily opportunity, in addition to the typical features of a ‘political personality’ (i.e. thrill seeking and narcissism). What really surprises me is that these guys do not expect to be caught. They fully expect to get away with it, and in that, they are no different than many folks out there, men and women, who are hitting sites like Facebook and Twitter for all …

>Getting good at heartbreak

Here’s the hard truth – there is no love that won’t leave you heartbroken and wanting for more, at times*; so why not get good at it?

Heartbreaks come in all shapes and sizes, like having your partner fall short of your expectations; or standing by helplessly as your grown (or growing) child rejects your help and makes painful choices without you. It’s not that you should give up on (those you) love – it’s that you could