> You married the Wrong Person.

 

You totally married the wrong person.

We all did…

… and here’s why.

 

We are social animals; so if you are human and have a heartbeat, you are will absolutely live through many versions of yourself based on your experiences shaping you over the course of a marriage. The person you are and the one who sleeps beside you, are literally different people than you were at “I do”. So how could the ‘right’ person, right now, still be that …

>RIP Robin

I met Robin Williams at an In-n-Out Burger, many years ago. He truly seemed like a dad out for a bike ride with his kids on a gorgeous Northern California day. Somewhere there’s a picture of my brother standing with him in that parking lot, taken with an actual camera, in the days before life started moving so fast.

Was it moving too fast?
Was it too much to take?
What….happened…?

Many of us can recognize the pain of unanswered …

>How to LIKE your partner (again)…

Along the lines of last week’s post about actually liking your partner, you may ask – how do I do that? Has it been that long?

The better predictor of relationship satisfaction is not how well your partner supports you in tough times, but rather, how you share the good times together! So step 1 – create an environment in which you have fun, not to compete or aim for perfection – just to Have. Fun. Together. (again).

For example, by now …

>Telling the truth about marriage…

When I heard Ben Affleck’s Oscar speech, all I could think was, “OMG, he’s telling the TRUTH!” Then I thought, ‘ohhh, he’s going to get slayed for it.’

Because no one tells the truth about marriage; ‘It takes work’ has become a cliché, to be thrown around randomly; just try saying it at your next dinner party, if you want to observe an awkward silence. It’s definitely not something that people actually talk about, certainly not on live …

>When there are no words…

Around now, I generally write about getting through the holidays without throwing a can of Who-hash at your mother-in-law’s head… But in light of what happened in Newtown, such a rant seems misguided.

I can’t even speak as a therapist about this – the Mother Bear inside me is growling and protective. I draw my daughter close to feel her soft breath and rub my nose in her wispy hair. I hide from her my struggle to keep fear from …

>How Sandy could save us

We all come together in a disaster – the nightmare we are living strips us of our defenses and forces us to face our shared humanity. In speaking that common language of humanity, we show how much we need each other – this is vulnerability, which we normally spend most of our time trying to hide.

I haven’t heard about any hurricane rescuers asking refugees about their religious views before offering a spot in their kayak, nor have I heard …

>A moment of …

We as a country search for meaning in the tragedy – imaginary lines are erased and we join in the pain of the families who lost their loved ones… and the inevitable torment of the survivors and their loved ones in the days to come.

In a moment, they were gone.

If you knew you had one last moment, what would you feel?

Would it be a moment of Love? Forgiveness?

Would it be a moment of regret? loneliness?

How do you color your …

>More hits for Chris Christie…

Apparently, we can treat each other like crap as long as we’re all wearing our grown-up undies. As Chris Christie gets big press for calling a journalist an “idiot” and “stupid”, four 7th-graders were suspended from school for similar behavior. How do you (rightfully) punish the 7th-graders for bullying, when that the big guy with the microphone keeps getting celebrated for pushing people around?!

The name-calling, the generalizing – it gets us nowhere; how many times have I slowed someone down …

>The biggest mistakes…

The marriage proposal from last week’s post got a great response from everyone who saw it. With all due respect to the groom’s amazing effort, if the people featured are even half as supportive as they seem, the bride and groom will always have others to share in their joy, and help them carry the weight of the tough times. That seems at least as valuable as the obvious connection between the happy couple.

Whether good or bad, the quality …

>The ring didn’t mean a thiiiiiing…

The topic of interest seems to be Kim Kardashian and whether I think it was a “real” marriage or not; Why did she return the ring?… Why did I waste four hours of my life on that stupid ‘E’ Channel special event?!?!?

Despite being shot from five different camera angles, only two people in the world know what really happened, and the story from either side likely sounds very different. Kim’s not alone in that she’s divorced (ok, twice) and …