>I take it back…

You told your partner “it” was okay…

but it wasn’t…

not really

You know what I’m talking about.

The thing you just don’t talk about.

Maybe you knew it then; you definitely know it now.

But you just don’t know how to take it back.

You feel trapped, by “it”.

My esteemed colleague, Esther Perel, has written so eloquently about sexual honesty.

Please find the article here.

I hope you love it too.

 

www.BreakthroughMFT.com

We’re here to help.

>Play.

When was the last time you played?

I mean…

Just let

your body

GO?

It’s Sunday night, way past bedtime, and my daughter has come out of bed for the third time. We’ve had a fantastic weekend, and I think she just doesn’t want it to end.

I know the feeling.

She has that smile on her face; the one that sometimes infuriates me because, generally speaking;

Now. Is not. The time.

But the energy from …

>Loving like cats and dogs…

He loves her like a dog – he jumps on her when she gets home, and will not. let. go. until a sufficient amount of head-patting/scruff rubbing has commenced. If she’s too tired, he nips at her or barks sharply, demanding attention, until she snaps back or ultimately closes the door on him. She is less expressive, more cat-like in her approach. She takes her time, twitches her tail, maybe purrs inaudibly, and then casually saunters over to rub …

> Cheating in Yoga Pants…

At the 2012 EFT Summit this past weekend, I’m listening to a presentation of cutting-edge research on why people ‘cheat’ on their partner, and all I can think is, ‘Where do they find the time?!’ 

As the full-time working mom, I get home too tired to answer the phone most nights; I have my hands full with Cute Huzzband and Tenacious Toddler. It comes down to the fact that I simply have no energy to add on a ‘Secret Lover’; …

>Have better sex than ‘Top Gun’…

When I think of sex scenes, the first to pop into my mind is from ‘Top Gun’; with white curtains billowing in the breeze, an 80’s love ballad playing… you know the one. Yes, you do; stop lying.

Even though Maverick and Charlie barely know each other, they seem to just… know exactly where… and exactly how… to touch each other.

If you recall how you were first introduced to sex, it was probably not so much in words, …

>What we fight about…

The big three. Sex. Kids. Money.

Let’s talk about SEX, baby…it’s a big one – especially once you have kids and fall off that gravy train, (assuming that you were getting enough before…) There is much to be said about stress and exhaustion, but we just feel like something’s wrong if we’re not ‘doing it’. Generally speaking, women need to feel connected to have sex, and men have sex to feel connected. Most couples balk at the idea of “scheduling” …

>Mars and Venus collide…

Sex. You want it, they don’t. They want it, but you don’t. This is one that comes up for couples all. the. time.

There are a few things that could be happening, but I want to talk about a really likely one- Different Strategies.

Men want to have sex to feel emotionally connected to their partner; and women want to feel emotionally connected to their partner in order to have sex. Gross generalization? Yes. Consistently demonstrated?

>Excitement? Arousal?

I’m trying to think of good therapist-y words that will convey to you what I’m feeling about what I’m doing this week. “Therapist Porn” comes close, but the resulting spam is just not worth it…

I’m in NYC, attending four days of intense training with the founder of Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, and soooooo loving it. Why does traditional couples therapy fall short?! Maybe it’s because at best, it teaches people to communicate more effectively, although the thing …

>Life is interesting enough…

As Maria Shriver prophecied years ago, life with Ahh-nold would be “…not an easy life, but an interesting one…” My question as her therapist (which I am clearly not, nor have I ever knowingly treated anyone related to either family) would be, “Interesting, how?” As in, ‘good interesting’ or ‘unstable interesting’ (i.e. nauseating). Of course, you never, ever, EVER know what’s really going on in anyone else’s relationship, so who are we to speculate?!

That said, life is its own …

>V-Day ticks me off

It’s not the commercialization of a contrived holiday, nor is it the idea that you must be coupled to have worth. The biggest thing wrong with V-day is the idea that there is just the one day of expression for how much we care about each other. I’d bet that the collective disappointment most people feel today has more to do how poorly a box of chocolate, even really good chocolate, makes up for feeling underappreciated the other 364 …