>Tears. Good ones. Laughing Tears.

Top 10 Crazy Things
said when up late with Kids…

(click link)

Though years go by in a heartbeat, some of these nights Will. Not. End.

>More hits for Chris Christie…

Apparently, we can treat each other like crap as long as we’re all wearing our grown-up undies. As Chris Christie gets big press for calling a journalist an “idiot” and “stupid”, four 7th-graders were suspended from school for similar behavior. How do you (rightfully) punish the 7th-graders for bullying, when that the big guy with the microphone keeps getting celebrated for pushing people around?!

The name-calling, the generalizing – it gets us nowhere; how many times have I slowed someone down …

>The Other ‘Morning After’

You got married (hopefully) because you took time to learn about each other and found something special there. Did you really expect to wake up as the same people every day forever?!

The problem is that no one talks about what it’s really like to be married; no one talks about what happens the morning after you ride off on that white horse into the sunset… So of course you worry that there’s something wrong with you when your Sleeping Beauty starts complaining constantly; …

>Therapy at the ‘Jersey Shore’…

As a therapist, I’m good – but as a person, I’m screwed. I can’t just relax and watch an episode of ‘Jersey Shore… 

I’m watching the DVR’ed first episodes, (you know my obsession with reality TV) and I’m finally making sense of Ronnie and Sam! I watch them meet for the first time, and quickly become smitten with each other in a way they’ve never felt before; beyond ‘smooshing’, they want each other, and seem comforted by their closeness. We …

>Get schooled like Tyra Banks!

Wait, what?! It’s true, Tyra Banks is now a student at Harvard Business school! As in: Tyra Banksat HarvardLegally Blonde references aside, I’m watching the story on CNN, and thinking, ‘…Isn’t Tyra a pretty successful businesswoman anyway?!’ This leapt right into the idea* that just because you have a mostly-successful relationship, doesn’t mean you couldn’t use some support, right? You know, some preventive skill-building for the tough times – those blowout fights, or the one fight that …

>Your last day on earth…

…When the planes hit the Twin Towers, none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge, they were all messages of love

…General opinion makes out that we live in a world of hatred and greed; I don’t see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy but it’s always there

lf you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

>the September issue

If you could do a ‘makeover‘ on just ONE ASPECT of your relationship, what would it be? If you could rip that feature out of your relationship, stuff it in a bag and toss it forever, what would your ‘new and improved’ relationship look like? How much lighter would you feel?

We really love complaining about what our partner is doing wrong, but at some point it’s going to become boring and nobody’s going to want to hang out with you

>It’s not me, it’s YOU!!!

Yup. Sometimes it actually is all about your partner. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you. But rather than just saying that, you respond to them with some version of ”Wow, that’s a really f***ed up thing to say, you big idiot!” …annnnnnnnnd now it actually is about you, too.

It goes like this  – Jeni* brings up the idea that she needs more ‘down’ time in her relationship with Jeff, and suggests that he reconnect with …

>”Healthy” fighting?!

Question via email:
“What is “healthy” fighting? Is it about the pre-approach/pre-conflict resolution, the conflict itself (cusses and all), or the make up? Can you set new patterns, or does the pattern, once set, repeat itself to infinity?”

A: I’m so glad you asked- Healthy couples do argue; when they deny it, I worry about what’s not being said! In my experience, a healthy argument is essentially one in which both partners get to express their viewpoint and feel valued as people; …

>Excitement? Arousal?

I’m trying to think of good therapist-y words that will convey to you what I’m feeling about what I’m doing this week. “Therapist Porn” comes close, but the resulting spam is just not worth it…

I’m in NYC, attending four days of intense training with the founder of Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Dr. Sue Johnson, and soooooo loving it. Why does traditional couples therapy fall short?! Maybe it’s because at best, it teaches people to communicate more effectively, although the thing …