>I take it back…

You told your partner “it” was okay…

but it wasn’t…

not really

You know what I’m talking about.

The thing you just don’t talk about.

Maybe you knew it then; you definitely know it now.

But you just don’t know how to take it back.

You feel trapped, by “it”.

My esteemed colleague, Esther Perel, has written so eloquently about sexual honesty.

Please find the article here.

I hope you love it too.

 

www.BreakthroughMFT.com

We’re here to help.

>Strapped In

Balancing both feet on a thin wire strung high up between two trees, even my pinkie fingers are shaking.

I’ve gotten almost to the middle without looking down..
.

But when I see how far I could fall, I see only certain death coming if I continue.

I feel only the fear.

I freeze.

Static fills my ears.

Then a voice reaches up to me –

“What’s gonna happen if you fall?”

Apparently, my whole team had …

>Daring Greatly

It’s taken a loooooong time to realize that being nice won’t make everyone like me, or that giving the ‘better’ gift doesn’t make me the better friend. Though I was often praised for my perfection, I was actually trying to protect myself from… whatever.

Now, I know that I can’t protect myself from being hurt, no matter how straight my hospital corners are.

You might find this incredibly depressing, but this awareness gives me freedom to be my imperfect self, as completely …

>The biggest mistakes…

The marriage proposal from last week’s post got a great response from everyone who saw it. With all due respect to the groom’s amazing effort, if the people featured are even half as supportive as they seem, the bride and groom will always have others to share in their joy, and help them carry the weight of the tough times. That seems at least as valuable as the obvious connection between the happy couple.

Whether good or bad, the quality …

>…Bittersweet Symphony

Something that occasionally enters my head as a client is speaking is the line from a song: “I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah…*

The thing that makes our pain so much more unbearable is the sense that we are alone with it. Very few of us are actually alone; most of us don’t know how to reach out for support, or those around us don’t know how to respond in a way …

>Your apology is crap…

You apologize with ‘I’m so sorry, I will never do that again,’ – but a more accurate statement would probably go something like, ‘I really am sorry – I hate that I keep doing these things. But until I figure out what’s happening with me, I probably will keep on hurting you like this…‘ Admittedly, with the first statement, you’re more likely to get a good reaction… until it happens again. Which it will. Unless you do something about …

>You’re acting like a two-year-old!!!

OMG, you are about to rip your hair out – you HAVE a two-year-old, or maybe you’ve RAISED your two-year-olds, you do NOT need your partner behaving like one, too! More importantly, when do YOU get to have YOUR meltdown? (i.e., you’re freaking out, too, you’re just holding it down as best you can…)

Here’s the most amazing thing I learned this week – The part of our brain that regulates attachment never matures

Really?

Really. Apparently, …

>Not your fault, Will Hunting…

He shifts in his chair, nervously and talks about how his wife refuses to come to therapy; he “invited” her by shouting at her that ‘she’s the one’ who needs therapy, and if she didn’t show up, the marriage was over. He’s taking her absence today as a sign that she doesn’t care and the marriage has ended. While painful, it’s not surprising that they’re communicating with smoke signals from the safety of their separate mountains… The two of them …

>I miss you, and you’re right here…

So you love your wife, but calling her nasty names doesn’t quite convey that emotion, hmm? Your husband is completely the worst human being on the planet, but you can’t imagine life without him, right? What could possibly be going wrong?!?!

The fact is, you can be incredibly effective at work, and enjoy fruitful friendships, but feel completely lost in the presence of your partner. When your partner is right there on the couch next to you, and neither …

>Am I having an Emotional Affair?!?!

Emotional Affair” isn’t typically what you think of, with sleazy hotels and hiding in the shadows… These days, Facebook or email are often involved, and your emotional affair partner may have been over for dinner, maybe several times. You’ve never even kissed, for goodness sake, how could it be an affair?!?! Usually, people admit to and attempt to justify their behavior by saying something that amounts to, ‘…you’re never available, so I had to look elsewhere for support…‘.

If …