>Strapped In

Balancing both feet on a thin wire strung high up between two trees, even my pinkie fingers are shaking.

I’ve gotten almost to the middle without looking down..
.

But when I see how far I could fall, I see only certain death coming if I continue.

I feel only the fear.

I freeze.

Static fills my ears.

Then a voice reaches up to me –

“What’s gonna happen if you fall?”

Apparently, my whole team had …

> Why your wife looks like a Sabre-Tooth Tiger

Q: “Sometimes I feel SO ready to talk to my wife but one look from her, and I shut down. I really want to tell her, but I just can’t…” –”Don”

A: Don, you’re perfectly describing the desire to be known, at the same moment you’re terrified to be ‘found out’. Which makes you human. So there’s good news.

Fear is rooted in the survival center of our brain, and cavemen who had sex when they should have been hunting …

>Simple. But not Easy.

Maybe you know that I spin. What you may not know is that spinning has carried me through some really tough stuff.

At times, I’ve felt safest when I was alone on the bike; and all that mattered was how my legs powered up and my body surged forward – looking for the next race.

(Yeah, therapists get defensive too…)

But it got lonely up there, and it was definitely getting old. The bike didn’t hold the same energy as it did before. …

>RIP Robin

I met Robin Williams at an In-n-Out Burger, many years ago. He truly seemed like a dad out for a bike ride with his kids on a gorgeous Northern California day. Somewhere there’s a picture of my brother standing with him in that parking lot, taken with an actual camera, in the days before life started moving so fast.

Was it moving too fast?
Was it too much to take?
What….happened…?

Many of us can recognize the pain of unanswered …

>How to LIKE your partner (again)…

Along the lines of last week’s post about actually liking your partner, you may ask – how do I do that? Has it been that long?

The better predictor of relationship satisfaction is not how well your partner supports you in tough times, but rather, how you share the good times together! So step 1 – create an environment in which you have fun, not to compete or aim for perfection – just to Have. Fun. Together. (again).

For example, by now …

>Love me like a dog…

Dogs love fearlessly. Show them a smile and friendly tone, and they’ll show you their belly. Loving dogs is easy; it’s loving people that gets complicated.

We all have ‘baggage’, that’s not what makes it hard to love and be loved. What makes it hard is alllllll things we do that prevent us from really being seen. Over time, we raise a wall to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We add bricks to the wall when …

>Comfort in the crazy…

As a child, who held you when you cried? Did it feel safe, comforting? Or was there something missing?

I believe that most parents are doing the best they can, with the resources they have. That said, it’s fairly common for folks to report that as kids, they weren’t held in a way that felt safe, or comforting; or even held at all… So where would you have learned how to give your partner comfort? Where would you have learned …

>How Sandy could save us

We all come together in a disaster – the nightmare we are living strips us of our defenses and forces us to face our shared humanity. In speaking that common language of humanity, we show how much we need each other – this is vulnerability, which we normally spend most of our time trying to hide.

I haven’t heard about any hurricane rescuers asking refugees about their religious views before offering a spot in their kayak, nor have I heard …