> Cheating in Yoga Pants…

At the 2012 EFT Summit this past weekend, I’m listening to a presentation of cutting-edge research on why people ‘cheat’ on their partner, and all I can think is, ‘Where do they find the time?!’ 

As the full-time working mom, I get home too tired to answer the phone most nights; I have my hands full with Cute Huzzband and Tenacious Toddler. It comes down to the fact that I simply have no energy to add on a ‘Secret Lover’; much less do I want to swipe on lipstick to meet up with him in his Secret Lover-liness; it’s just too much management for me.

I do wonder about how many “online affairs” happen in part, because it’s easier than physically pursuing one; even worse, maybe they happen when folks feel too exhausted give their actual relationship the work it needs. Know this now; your affair is just a distraction; it’s an attempt to get what you’re missing in your actual relationship. And thanks to the miracle of modern technology, you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything to feel those missing pieces taking shape; you can sit in your threadbare yoga pants and ‘sext’ away; you can tap your keyboard in your 3am loneliness and feel like someone out there hears you. Unfortunately, it’s not going to work, because you’ll never fully escape the feeling that your partner doesn’t know you, and maybe the fear that they aren’t even interested in finding out about who you are.

What if the time and energy put into affairs went into actual relationships instead?

If your partner won’t listen, isn’t available, you can always try telling them that you can’t think of another solution but to leave. It often has a way of suddenly making people realize “…how bad it has gotten…” and then you probably have a 24-72 hour window to get into see a therapist before the buzz fades and the old pattern resumes. Call a few therapists first* – get some information – when you tell your partner about how much it scares you to think about how bad it’s gotten, gently ask them to come for help figuring it out – offer to “research” it and the next day, show them profiles of two you really like and offer to make the appointment. Then call, if you haven’t already, to make the appointment.

I bet the guy who had 300 (brief) affairs over his 10-year marriage would love to actually connect with his actual wife; but doesn’t even know where to start. I have this great blog post for him…

*www.iceeft.com    www.nyceft.org

www.mindfulfootsteps.com (me)


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