>Don’t be a Weiner!

I’m not surprised by the most recent wave of ‘Powerful Men Behaving Badly’, given the daily opportunity, in addition to the typical features of a ‘political personality’ (i.e. thrill seeking and narcissism). What really surprises me is that these guys do not expect to be caught. They fully expect to get away with it, and in that, they are no different than many folks out there, men and women, who are hitting sites like Facebook and Twitter for all the wrong reasons.

If you’re not one of them, you know someone who is. People everywhere are finding each other with a few mouse clicks, whereas it would have taken a Private Investigator to do the same only a few years ago. Think about that – suddenly, that late night musing about whatever happened to ‘the one who got away’ becomes the instant possibility of reconnection. You don’t just remember them as they were, you remember yourself as you were… and there’s the danger… You (subconsciously) envision yourself in a younger body, along with younger priorities, which probably do not include many of the obligations you now carry. Forgetting the reasons you broke up in the first place, you hit the ‘Send’ button and wait.

The Internet provides a layer of psychological pseudo-protection, in the form of justification. As Rep. Weiner indicated in his statement and many “caught” spouses’ protest similarly, ‘I never had physical contact with those people’. However, upon the spouse’s discovery, the affair becomes real because now they have to actually talk about it; and the offender quickly realizes what a betrayal it really has been to their marriage, and/or their family, to carry on a relationship of that nature, whether online or elsewhere. If you consider your internet relationship as innocent, or as a mild flirtation, consider these questions:

Have I told my spouse about my reconnection with this person? Why not?

Would I feel comfortable showing ALL of these messages to my spouse?

How would I feel if my spouse accidentally saw these messages?

How would I feel if our roles were reversed, and I accidentally saw similar messages between my spouse and someone I didn’t know?

Okay, so if that’s you, fix it; if it’s someone you know, forward this to them… and don’t be a Weiner.

* for more on the psychology of politicians and infidelity, check out this LA Times article