>I miss you, and you’re right here…

So close, but so far…

So you love your wife, but calling her nasty names doesn’t quite convey that emotion, hmm? Your husband is completely the worst human being on the planet, but you can’t imagine life without him, right? What could possibly be going wrong?!?!

The fact is, you can be incredibly effective at work, and enjoy fruitful friendships, but feel completely lost in the presence of your partner. When your partner is right there on the couch next to you, and neither of you can open your mouth without expecting a fight, it can feel incredibly lonely and hopeless. The silence is… deafening. I get it; it wasn’t always this way – you hit a “rough patch”, which started to stretch, and suddenly that growing resentment takes on a scary, more permanent feel – it’s hard to know what to do, but you are not alone.

So many couples come to therapy, truly feeling like they hate each other, having done and said terrible things, yet when faced with the prospect of ending the relationship, they burst into tears. Recently, in my office, a wife sat in shock as her husband described her as ‘the only person in his world’, the only person who really matters to him. Her shock was understandable – their primary language for years, has been sarcasm and anger.

The negative pattern had taken over their relationship; instead of choosing meaningful responses, they were instinctively defending whatever arose from the other. Once that cycle is identified and understood, we can move forward more productively. If this sounds like you, please know you are not alone – your partner, at the very least is likely having similar concerns, it’s just a question of whether you can address it with each other, or if you need help (i.e. therapist, etc.).

Tell me what you think. I’m so interested to know.


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