>Is it me???

Yeah, it’s you – partly. I mean, no matter how screwed up your partner is, you’re the one who chose them in the first place, so you must be at least equally screwed up, right?! But before you drown your sorrows in the concoction of your choice (i.e.; ice cream with mashed-up candy bars, mmm…) consider this:

The person you are today is a different version of the one who said, “I do”; it’s you, but better, wiser, full of new experiences. It’s You:2.0…. You may have been happy to let him run the finances when you got together, but now you feel controlled and resentful. You were relieved to be with someone so outgoing, who was always doing stuff, but now you are seriously considering divorce if she drags you to one more party!

These are moments when we think we’re ‘overreacting’ or that there’s something ‘wrong ‘with us, but the truth may be that you’ve just grown. Your priorities have changed. Maybe you thought you knew what you were getting into, but you really, really didn’t know how it was going to feel. (… taking on all the domestic and/or financial responsibilities so your partner can pursue their dream… in-Laws coming to live with you… etc.) OMG, I need ice cream just thinking about it!

Whatever it is, you made a contract with your partner, whether you actually talked about it or not, and it may be time to renegotiate the terms. You know the drill – at a quiet time, invite your partner to discuss what’s really bothering you about the current situation. Acknowledge that you agreed to the current ‘terms’, or at least didn’t effectively argue them, and ask for a brainstorm about what can be done to improve the situation. Remember it doesn’t have to be either/or; don’t put your dreams up against your partner’s sanity. Consider the many options out there – like getting a housekeeper so that you can continue law school while your partner continues financially supporting the family – you only need one solution that works.


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