“Tell me you like spending time with me,” she says, looking over her shoulder; something in her expression says she knows, but still really needs to hear it*. And of course she does; we all do. What’s happening in our lives directly affects how we feel about each other, and ourselves. As social creatures, we have amazing capacity for both stability and change, depending on the quality of our experience.
There’s a nasty rumor going around that we shouldn’t need to hear that we matter to each other, that somehow need-ing makes us need-y. The truth is that the part of our brain that regulates attachment never matures beyond two years old, so there’s a part of us that needs much like a toddler who is constantly calling, “MommyMommyMommy… MOMMY!!!” Yeah, we need – we’ve known that since birth… it’s the grown-up in us that gets all screwed up about it!
We really do need to hear that we are valued, appreciated and loved. If you think your partner already knows, ask yourself, ‘How?’ How would they know? When was the last time you said ‘thank you’ for something your partner does every day? Annnnnd… when was the last time you felt like your partner appreciated you?
Think about what it would feel like, if your partner suddenly started thanking you for ALL that you do – as in, ‘Thanks for being on the early train so that you could help me put the kids to bed’ or, ‘Snookums, you make the best coffee’. Not monumental Hollywood moments, but daily ones. Wouldn’t that feel amazing (if a little disorienting, at first…)?! How often are you doing that now, for your partner? OK, so give it a try!
…and watch the commercial* that inspired this post (below). Yup, it’s Hallmark, with ideas about what Mom really wants this Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day!
Leave a Reply