As Maria Shriver prophecied years ago, life with Ahh-nold would be “…not an easy life, but an interesting one…” My question as her therapist (which I am clearly not, nor have I ever knowingly treated anyone related to either family) would be, “Interesting, how?” As in, ‘good interesting’ or ‘unstable interesting’ (i.e. nauseating). Of course, you never, ever, EVER know what’s really going on in anyone else’s relationship, so who are we to speculate?!
That said, life is its own roller coaster – some rides you take, and sometimes the ride takes you, and overall, it’s most important to wake up each morning, fully convinced at the very least of the faith and support offered by the person snoring away next to you. If the strength or longevity of your relationship is the thing that keeps you guessing, you’re probably in trouble before you even get into the park.
Big problems arise when, rather than acknowledging our concerns and trying to better understand each other, we work really, really hard to avoid the conversation altogether. Worse, and all too often, we expect that marriage, children, or another force of nature will intervene and “change” the other person. Unfortunately, this strategy often backfires and leaves the couple reeling from the added stress of these events, and less able to enjoy the joy and fulfillment they inherently bring.
In healthy relationships, we strive to balance that stress with “good” interesting – like surprising your partner with tickets, or taking a long walk like you used to when you were dating (and had time for long walks)… maybe learning a new move for your more intimate moments… or, maybe initiating an intimate moment because that alone would be a big deal…
So create some “good” freefalls to balance out the whip-around-the-corner nausea, and buckle up – it’s guaranteed to be a bumpy ride, you might as well make your partner your best friend.
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