>Mars and Venus collide…

Sex. You want it, they don’t. They want it, but you don’t. This is one that comes up for couples all. the. time.

There are a few things that could be happening, but I want to talk about a really likely one- Different Strategies.

Men want to have sex to feel emotionally connected to their partner; and women want to feel emotionally connected to their partner in order to have sex. Gross generalization? Yes. Consistently demonstrated? Absolutely. Of course, I have met women who want to have sex regardless of connection and men who feel objectified when approached for sex without ‘foreplay’. We’re talking about an average here, so there are going to be differences on both sides… Regardless of gender, within the couple, the strategies are different – you both seek connection, but you do it in different ways – and maybe even end up fighting about HOW you were trying to be closer in the first place!

This difference in strategy is why, after a fight with your partner, one of you may seek to reconnect sexually, and the other of you needs time, or wants more reparation prior to engaging physically. In many couples, one person is convinced that their partner is having an affair, because of the physical withdrawal. The accused partner feels misunderstood and offended, which doesn’t do much to increase their sexual feelings, and the cycle spins out of control.

No Connection = No Sex.

Why isn’t this talked about more in the mainstream? I have no idea. It seems like a whole lot of pain could be avoided if we looked at it this way.

Yes, there could be an affair or something else happening, but before you reach for heartache, why not look at the possibility that you’ve simply (yet painfully) lost track of each other? Maybe it’s been a long time, but with effort and support, there is a good chance that you can find each other again.


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