>My computer and your marriage MAY have this in common…

OMG, I can’t TAKE it anymore!

My laptop is dying a slow, painful death; I’m completely miserable, yet in utter denial about the severity of the problem… I’m also dismayed at the idea of spending thousands of dollars on a new one, although I know that it will inevitably make my life easier – it’s just a question of how long I want to suffer before taking the plunge. It’s kind of like making the decision to enter therapy after months, maybe years, of progressively deepening problems. As a person, I totally get why you put it off; it’s expensive, it’s scary and you’re probably afraid you’re going to be told that you’re wrong, crazy, or both! To tell you the truth, I’ve put off converting to a Mac for similar reasons, but I digress…

You have those walls up for really, really good reasons. You are perpetually pissed off for really, really good reasons. But it’s exhausting, and when you’re exhausted, you make terrible decisions – you start name calling and threatening; you disconnect from your partner, and disconnection is the place in which things like affairs are born. Which begs the question – what are you waiting for? It hasn’t gotten better on its own. Despite your best efforts (and I sincerely believe you have tried,) the arguments have gotten worse and the periods of silence have gotten l-o-n-g-e-r. What has to happen for you to as take the risk of asking for help?

I get it. It’s one thing to complain miserably to a sympathetic ear; your friend, your sister, whoever. But in therapy, you may actually have to do something about it, and that’s scary as hell. A good therapist will know that. A good therapist listens, and makes sure that they heard you right. A good therapist supports both of you in giving your relationship its best chance. A good therapist does not judge. A good therapist knows when to stop writing about what makes a good therapist…

I hope they’re as kind and attentive at the Apple store…


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