>Not your fault, Will Hunting…

Which is ‘the one’?

He shifts in his chair, nervously and talks about how his wife refuses to come to therapy; he “invited” her by shouting at her that ‘she’s the one’ who needs therapy, and if she didn’t show up, the marriage was over. He’s taking her absence today as a sign that she doesn’t care and the marriage has ended. While painful, it’s not surprising that they’re communicating with smoke signals from the safety of their separate mountains… The two of them have not had a real conversation in years, mostly bickering back and forth, sometimes leading to screaming fights that (mercifully?) end quickly because one of them generally storms out.

Why does it always have to be someone’s “fault”?! Why does it need to be only “the one” who needs therapy? Like it’s a bad thing – please, who couldn’t use a little therapy, these days? But I digress…

I have great news for them. It’s not him. It’s not her. It’s their baggage – it’s the emotional crap they don’t recognize coming up and hijacking the relationship! Both of them are stuck in a cycle of behavior, and the pull to engage in it is absolutely irresistible. When we’re stressed, tired or worn down, it becomes harder to recognize the warning signs, and harder still to pull out of the cycle before it does some very real damage. Do you get it? Even healthy couples fall into their cycle, but the big difference is that they are able to recognize, effectively repair the damage, and make efforts to not repeat the same behavior. Sounds so easy, yet so, SO tough sometimes…

Wanna know more about your cycle? Here’s a quick and helpful link:

http://www.nyceft.org/help-for-your-relationship


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One response to “>Not your fault, Will Hunting…”

  1. LovelyRita

    hey maggie,

    i want to know your blog-take on “returning the ring” after an engagement breaks up. And when he cheated on her to boot!! maybe you can make a spin on Kim K and Kris Humphries… aren’t they having ring issues according to the tabloids??

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