>the September issue

what will YOU toss?

If you could do a ‘makeover‘ on just ONE ASPECT of your relationship, what would it be? If you could rip that feature out of your relationship, stuff it in a bag and toss it forever, what would your ‘new and improved’ relationship look like? How much lighter would you feel?

We really love complaining about what our partner is doing wrong, but at some point it’s going to become boring and nobody’s going to want to hang out with you except all of the other Wendy and Willy Whiners… So in the interest of maintaining your well-earned status as a fabulous and interesting person, let’s pick one thing you’d love to be different about your relationship.
Got it? Good.

Here’s how to get it:
1. What would you need to change about your behavior to make that new dynamic possible?

(In other words, what are you doing that might make it harder for your partner to see the need? Do you want them to listen more, but every time they talk, you clam up and respond, ‘Yes, dear…’ and then hold it against them?!)

2. What would your partner need to change to make the new dynamic possible?

3. Consider: can we have a conversation about this without wanting to kill each other?
3a. What has interfered with this conversation being productive, in the past?

Then: Use your answers to 3&3a to think about how best to approach your partner. At a calm, quiet time, invite your partner to talk, and insert your answers here:
Hey, (enter term of endearment),
I’ve been thinking about how I sometimes (insert answer to #1 here), and I think that might get in the way of us (insert your desired relationship change here). I’d really like us to (repeat desired relationship change) more of the time.”

Pause for feedback. If all is going well, you can continue-

I think it might be helpful for me if you would (insert your answer to #2).”

Remember to be gentle- how would you want to hear it?

Ask your partner what they think. Don’t be surprised if your willingness to acknowledge your role in the problem makes your partner volunteer some version of the answer to #2, without you ever having to bring it up!

Let me know where you might get stuck with this – I’m here to help!


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