How many times do you have to hear ‘I’m sorry,’ before you stop believing it?! How many times are you going to make the same mistake, or allow your partner to continue hurting you, before you insist that something be done?! Being faithful is not just about staying married, it’s about believing in the best version of your partner, and supporting them in becoming that person, every single day. Sometimes, that means insisting on change, when something is clearly not working.
While it is essential to an apology to take accountability for what you’ve done, most of us don’t go beyond the playground version of “…sorry I hit you in the face with the kickball…” As grown-ups, when we are truly sorry, we need to follow up with a solid plan for how we’ll do something different in the future. While we usually believe in our partner’s sincerity in apologizing for what they’ve already done, distance and resentment often build around the fear that it will happen again.
Until you can be honest with yourself and address the real issues that keep leading you down the same path (i.e., infidelity, financial trouble, etc.,) you can’t really be honest with your partner, either. (Trust me, if it happens more than once, it’s tied to a deeper issue.)If your fiancee confesses ‘tweeting’ naked pictures of himself in the past, you need to ask what he’s done to identify his unmet needs and change that behavior, (…not specifically talking about anyone we know…). Without a clear plan to achieve your shared expectations for the future, you put yourselves at risk for it happening again.
Don’t be an idiot and try to fix the bigger problem by yourself – a true partner is eager to be involved in the process. Therapy can be helpful, especially if you’ve forgotten, or never learned, how to communicate with your partner about difficult issues. What are you waiting for, before you make a plan for change? Your face on the nightly news?… Someone calling for your resignation?…
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